having worked in the legal industry close to a decade now, the majority of that time has been in family law. i’ve seen a lot of divorce cases, and one thing i’ve noticed from a third-party outsider perspective is that no one is ever ready for this, and it’s a mess.
earlier today, a friend and i were talking, and somehow the topic came to marriage and divorce. i’ve never been married, and i was asked what i would do if i ever did get married.
i sat there for a bit, and immediately a marriage-cybersecurity analogy came to mind. as i work in cybersecurity at HUGO CONNECT, this analogy felt like the perfect way to bridge two seemingly unrelated worlds: marriage and IT. so i told him, i would enter marriage assuming i would get divorced. he was a bit shocked with that answer, understandably so. so i said, hear me out.
don’t think you’ll never get hacked
in cybersecurity, one of the most dangerous mindsets a business can have is thinking, “we’re too small; no one will hack us.” it’s not a matter of “if” but “when” a breach might occur. smart businesses operate under the assumption that attacks will happen and prepare accordingly. they implement defenses, run regular audits, and have a recovery plan in place to minimize damage when the inevitable happens.
don’t think you’ll never get divorced
marriage deserves a similar level of proactive thinking. no one enters a relationship expecting it to end, but assuming it’s impossible can leave you vulnerable. the point isn’t to walk down the aisle with a pessimistic attitude but to acknowledge that life is unpredictable. preparing for the possibility of divorce isn’t about planning for failure; it’s about ensuring resilience and protecting what matters most—yourself and your future.
build your resilience plan
just like a business would set up a cybersecurity framework, individuals in a marriage should think about how they’ll navigate worst-case scenarios. here’s how:
- understand your assets: in cybersecurity, businesses know their valuable data and protect it. in marriage, understand your finances, property, and emotional investments. make sure you know what’s shared and what’s yours.
- communicate boundaries: firewalls and access permissions limit exposure in IT systems. likewise, clear communication in marriage about financial expectations, personal space, and shared goals can prevent misunderstandings and conflict.
- have a backup plan: businesses maintain backups and incident response plans. in relationships, a prenuptial agreement or postnuptial contract can serve as your version of a disaster recovery plan—ensuring a smoother transition if the relationship ends.
- invest in maintenance: cybersecurity requires constant updates and patches to remain effective. similarly, relationships need ongoing care, effort, and communication to stay healthy. regularly address issues before they snowball.
if it happens, you’re ready
when a business is breached, preparation can mean the difference between recovery and complete collapse. the same is true in marriage. if you’ve planned ahead, you’re less likely to feel like your entire world is falling apart. you’ll have the tools to rebuild and move forward.
if you don’t prepare, the fallout can be devastating
a company caught off guard by a cyberattack may lose customer trust, valuable data, or even the ability to operate. similarly, someone unprepared for a divorce can find themselves overwhelmed—emotionally, financially, and mentally—scrambling to pick up the pieces.
embracing the mindset of resilience
this analogy isn’t about fear-mongering or fostering distrust in relationships. it’s about building resilience. just like a strong cybersecurity posture helps businesses operate confidently in a world full of risks, being prepared for the unexpected in marriage allows you to navigate life with peace of mind.
ultimately, both cybersecurity and marriage thrive on preparation, communication, and a willingness to invest in long-term success. assuming challenges will never come is a risk; being ready for them is wisdom.
check back in a few years to see if i practiced what i preached—or if my future spouse laughed me out of the room. either way, it’ll make for a great follow-up post. 😄